Society Wag Wandering - spring fertility dance party

Dateline: Over there near the school and that weird art bar

In celebration of some fertility ritual a dance party was held in west Bucktown last night. Also for some reason there were people in costumes. There was a very tall guy in a Mama Kass outfit, Frieda Kahlo, a redneck rapper named Cracker Back In Time. Some guy came as the orange level terror alert - high. Perhaps cutest was a sailor girl; perhaps strangest was a technicolor religious icon T-shirt wearing cowboy.

The booze was good, the hotness level was not bad. On the mic were a variety of local I-Pod owners. The music at these I-Pod DJ parties never turns out great. Like a potluck supper the flavors get muddled rather than high.

The dancing was sporadic, occasional brilliance did flare up. A girl in a spunky hat busted it out. She took on an over-aggressive tall, skinny couple. She quickly pushed them right off the center of the floor. Then Mama Kass took over the floor for a minute. Later these two gangly girls arrived and did a spirited flop-about that was quite sharp. And still later these Brazilian guys skipped in and showed us how it really is done.

Question: Should you fall in love with a Jewish woman who smokes and drinks Jim Beam straight?

Answer: If you believe you can handle the truth, by all means step and take a shot.

Question: What if you have a certain prejudice against a group of people. Say, actors for instance. You usually dismiss all actors as lower forms of humanity. They are flighty, annoying and soul sucking attention whores. But you meet this one actor who is totally awesome. You think, maybe actors are not so bad after all?

Answer: No, actors are still bad. But there are rare exceptions. If you find an actor who is not a total pain in the ass you should encourage him or her. Something like, "Wow you're not a total sniveling dickweed like almost every actor, how refreshing."

Question: Are smokers still cooler than nonsmokers?

Answer: Sad, yes, because we just quit smoking, which we recommend by the way. Smoking, it turns out, makes you feel like total crap. But we also recommend for us non-smokers to make a trip out to the back porch where all the smokers huddle. Smokers – more emotionally unstable, orally fixated and physically addicted –lead a more 'rock and roll' life than we do. Hang out with the smokers for a couple minutes to stink up your clothes and learn what cool really is.

Question: Do people fall in love more in the springtime?

Answer: As evidenced by this fertility holiday dance party, people are definitely looking to mate more in the spring. However love is, as ever, a fickle handmaiden. Spring does bring out a definite high note in the female reproductive cycle. The women last night were moving it so hard and good. The guys could not keep up. In fact I noticed a bit of lethargy on the male side of the dance floor. Perhaps the guys were conserving energy for the fistfight at the end of the night over who gets to take home the dame.

Question: Is it acceptable to grope a loved one in the bathroom?

Answer: Please, just a kiss or two, some of us have small bladders; we do not want to have to pee off the side of the porch. Unless of course it is raining, then it is OK to pee off the porch.

Question: Is it still acceptable to celebrate holidays I know to be based upon fictitious myths?

Answer: Absolutely. We should take the Japanese as our examples. They celebrate every holiday that comes down the pike. A juicy pantheism is much more healthy than an arid atheism.