The Meaning of Life
Bumby Goldmine (AKA: Bumskovich Mindgold) presents:
The Meaning of Life
The novelization of the miniseries shelved by the U.S. Government due to its uncanny power of accuracy.
FAQ's:
This section replaces a traditional introduction. It is for those of you so lazy you cannot read a whole book even though it contains the meaning of life. Shame on you.
Is there a god?
Yes.
Why am I here?
To touch a beautiful buttock bobbing in a buoyant ocean.
What happens after I die?
Life is a joke. After you die, if you were good, you hear the punchline. If you have been bad you will hear somebody forgetting the punchline. After you consider how bad you have been for a few days, maybe you get to hear the punchline.
Why is there good and evil?
Evil is frankly better looking, and good can be a bit of a bore.
Will mankind ever find peace?
No, however look for an exciting mineral rights war on Uranus about three thousand years from now.
Do dogs go to heaven?
Animals that eat whole hams off tables when you turn your back for one second are obviously not allowed into paradise.
Is religion dead?
Not a chance. There will be many new religions by the end of the century. Implementing sophisticated direct marketing techniques and instilling a desire to make love to god, new religions will be more popular and come with a lay away plan.
Do miracles and people with magical powers really exist?
Yes, as do curses and people with the power to make pestilence and plagues. Distinguishing between them before it is too late is, unfortunately, difficult.
How do I live my life?
With a vigorous vanity and a knowledge that beauty is our quarry.
Is it an eye for an eye or do I turn the other cheek?
This is a quantum issue and so considered in terms of probability. If you turn the other cheek to have a cheek turned for you, then turn away. But if you turn the other cheek only to get slapped, start poking sockets.
How do I put meaning into my life immediately?
Rub yourself twenty times while singing your favorite Madonna song. Then go have a snack, go outside and go play.
##^^##
The Meaning of Life
The novelization of the miniseries shelved by the U.S. Government due to its uncanny power of accuracy.
FAQ's:
This section replaces a traditional introduction. It is for those of you so lazy you cannot read a whole book even though it contains the meaning of life. Shame on you.
Is there a god?
Yes.
Why am I here?
To touch a beautiful buttock bobbing in a buoyant ocean.
What happens after I die?
Life is a joke. After you die, if you were good, you hear the punchline. If you have been bad you will hear somebody forgetting the punchline. After you consider how bad you have been for a few days, maybe you get to hear the punchline.
Why is there good and evil?
Evil is frankly better looking, and good can be a bit of a bore.
Will mankind ever find peace?
No, however look for an exciting mineral rights war on Uranus about three thousand years from now.
Do dogs go to heaven?
Animals that eat whole hams off tables when you turn your back for one second are obviously not allowed into paradise.
Is religion dead?
Not a chance. There will be many new religions by the end of the century. Implementing sophisticated direct marketing techniques and instilling a desire to make love to god, new religions will be more popular and come with a lay away plan.
Do miracles and people with magical powers really exist?
Yes, as do curses and people with the power to make pestilence and plagues. Distinguishing between them before it is too late is, unfortunately, difficult.
How do I live my life?
With a vigorous vanity and a knowledge that beauty is our quarry.
Is it an eye for an eye or do I turn the other cheek?
This is a quantum issue and so considered in terms of probability. If you turn the other cheek to have a cheek turned for you, then turn away. But if you turn the other cheek only to get slapped, start poking sockets.
How do I put meaning into my life immediately?
Rub yourself twenty times while singing your favorite Madonna song. Then go have a snack, go outside and go play.
##^^##
posted by RSS Spirit Combine | 1:47 PM
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