What should passengers on a bus do if they pass R. Kelly?

Yesterday while on the 66 bus we passed R. Kelly who was sitting in a parked car. What happened next is a case study on how you should deal with similar circumstances.

First, find out how expensive was the car in which R. Kelly was sitting.

Our bus driver immediately asked this to this guy getting on the bus (who had confirmed it was indeed R. Kelly sitting at the steering wheel.) We learned that it cost approximately 350,000 dollars.

If you are a teenage girl, beg your mom to exit the bus immediately and go and see R. Kelly.

These two teenage girls began doing this immediately after they realized we had passed R. Kelly.

If you are a mom and your teenage girls beg to get off the bus and see R. Kelly say, "Oh no," over and over while enduring whining and wheedling for six rush hour blocks.

On our bus, the mom of the teenage girls did not stop shaking her head for five minutes to emphasize that there was no way they were getting off the bus.

A smart aleck should make some sort of joke pertaining to R. Kelly.

I assumed this role, told the teenage girls that R. Kelly loves to get out of his car and sing songs to his fans who accost him on the street.

'White girls who like to talk black' should now bust it out, for everybody's listening pleasure.

The girl behind me, creamy complected, started talking about R. Kelly like she was his boo back when they were in the P.J.'s together. She also mentioned her ex-fiancee a lot too, so maybe she just had emotional problems.

An expert among the bus riders should be appointed. All disputed statements pertaining to R. Kelly should be directed to this one person.

Our bus elected the guy who spotted R. Kelly in the first place. He was a well proportioned young man in NFL approved wear. He became the hub of the buzz about R. Kelly shooting around the bus.

If you have a cell phone, now is the time to call friends and family about how you just saw R. Kelly in this unbelievable car.

This the teenage girls began to do. Thinking quick on their feet, they started making stuff up about R. Kelly to make the story better. They said they saw his hat and glasses and how he was jamming out to his own song and these huge bodyguards were in an SUV behind him...

After things have calmed down a little, take a moment to review some of R. Kelly's songs and dances.

Everyone on our bus practiced the 'step, step, side to side' move. Somebody remarked on how it is nice when a dance song includes the dance instructions right in the song. How true.

If you are a teenage girl this might be the time to tell your mom how unfair she is that she did not let you stop and bother R. Kelly.

This the teenage girls did.

And always remember, there will be differing opinions on R. Kelly and his spat with Jay-Z. Just because you know the details of the case intimately, having watched Celebrity Justice, and must listen to somebody who obviously knows nothing about it, still you should let people have their opinion, however misguided.

There will be people on the bus who know very little about R. Kelly. In rare instances there will be a person or two who know nothing at all about him. Make sure to speak loudly to educate the whole bus about your feelings and opinions regarding R. Kelly.

Upon exiting the bus make sure to wish your fellow R.-Kelly-encountering bus riders a very good evening. Like Haley's Comet, an event like this occurs all too infrequently. We must remember to remember it as best we can.