Move in together after two weeks
Dr. Lovie Fasterson
overview
You are lonely, afraid, confused. Life seemingly has lost its meaning. Then one day a person arrives in your life. Not an everyday person, but special. When this person is around all your fears and worries go away. Perhaps you even touch yourself while thinking of this person.
Two weeks pass. Your relationship has seen 14 days of trials and tribulations. You have shared meals, made up stuff about yourselves and exchanged coy emails. Perhaps you have touched each other to some extent. The question then becomes: should we move in together?
The answer is, absolutely. Who cares if you have to break a lease/marriage/religious vow and put all your stuff in storage? Why worry about anything really when you have each other? People say you should take your time, explore a person before moving in with them. This is not true.
strategy
The first thing to do is find a suitable partner. The main problem with the 'two week move in' is, short of abduction, you need two people to want it. This is not as easy as it seems. And it must be forefront in your thoughts.
What to look for in a partner who will pitch it all in a fortnight? Seek multiple dark rings under eyes. Or someone with an obsessive relationship with the almighty. Listen for statements such as, "I want to be an actress," or "I'm addicted to running over whores playing Vice City."
The search will occasionally feel futile. Do not lose faith. Make sure you are looking for love in the right places. Common law domestic partnership begins at a:
A)Library. It sounds strange but the freakiest do-anything-with-anyone type people like to read. Hang around the books starting with Library of Congress numbers 827. Lots of people looking for fast love here.
B)Urban Industrial Corridor. The thrum of heavy machinery and the smell of mechanically separated chicken quicken the courtship process.
C)Anywhere you see the guy who sells socks out of a bag. If you hear the sock man shouting, "Six for five," you are in the right place. Suitable partners can be found under nearby rocks.
Do not think, once you find a partner your work is done. Your work is just beginning. You now have two weeks to convince this person the only choice left for you both is to move in together. How? Assume a mask of total confidence and try these tactics:
1)Lie. Not about the little things but about your future dreams and desires.
2)Talk less, touch more. What says "please move in" better than skin on skin for 14 days straight?
3)Agree with everything. For two weeks say nothing but, "You're absolutely right, honey." In the meantime make a set of spare keys.
best case scenario
You move in together and never look back, too busy battling, babbling and bamboozling each other to notice, 20 years later you have three kids and one of them figures out you two started shacking up 14 days after meeting each other. Your kid asks you, "What sort of freaks would do that?"
worst case scenario
You meet your match in the loony bin of life. You subsequently get eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner. After getting chewed up and spit out you rent a small room in a forgotten town and write an unsettling, thinly veiled novel about this relationship. This sells a surprisingly large number of copies. Due, in large part, to lengthy descriptions of lurid encounters in rusty automobiles.
intangibles
-A haunted domicile.
-Extreme meteorological events such as earthquakes.
-The forced assimilation of pets.
conclusions
This is recommended right after a bad break up. People who manage this trick always come out wiser and healthier, if not wealthier. In fact don't expect this move help in the wealth category.
But spread your checkbook open wide and discover a world often sung about, but rarely encountered by mortal man.
##^^##
overview
You are lonely, afraid, confused. Life seemingly has lost its meaning. Then one day a person arrives in your life. Not an everyday person, but special. When this person is around all your fears and worries go away. Perhaps you even touch yourself while thinking of this person.
Two weeks pass. Your relationship has seen 14 days of trials and tribulations. You have shared meals, made up stuff about yourselves and exchanged coy emails. Perhaps you have touched each other to some extent. The question then becomes: should we move in together?
The answer is, absolutely. Who cares if you have to break a lease/marriage/religious vow and put all your stuff in storage? Why worry about anything really when you have each other? People say you should take your time, explore a person before moving in with them. This is not true.
strategy
The first thing to do is find a suitable partner. The main problem with the 'two week move in' is, short of abduction, you need two people to want it. This is not as easy as it seems. And it must be forefront in your thoughts.
What to look for in a partner who will pitch it all in a fortnight? Seek multiple dark rings under eyes. Or someone with an obsessive relationship with the almighty. Listen for statements such as, "I want to be an actress," or "I'm addicted to running over whores playing Vice City."
The search will occasionally feel futile. Do not lose faith. Make sure you are looking for love in the right places. Common law domestic partnership begins at a:
A)Library. It sounds strange but the freakiest do-anything-with-anyone type people like to read. Hang around the books starting with Library of Congress numbers 827. Lots of people looking for fast love here.
B)Urban Industrial Corridor. The thrum of heavy machinery and the smell of mechanically separated chicken quicken the courtship process.
C)Anywhere you see the guy who sells socks out of a bag. If you hear the sock man shouting, "Six for five," you are in the right place. Suitable partners can be found under nearby rocks.
Do not think, once you find a partner your work is done. Your work is just beginning. You now have two weeks to convince this person the only choice left for you both is to move in together. How? Assume a mask of total confidence and try these tactics:
1)Lie. Not about the little things but about your future dreams and desires.
2)Talk less, touch more. What says "please move in" better than skin on skin for 14 days straight?
3)Agree with everything. For two weeks say nothing but, "You're absolutely right, honey." In the meantime make a set of spare keys.
best case scenario
You move in together and never look back, too busy battling, babbling and bamboozling each other to notice, 20 years later you have three kids and one of them figures out you two started shacking up 14 days after meeting each other. Your kid asks you, "What sort of freaks would do that?"
worst case scenario
You meet your match in the loony bin of life. You subsequently get eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner. After getting chewed up and spit out you rent a small room in a forgotten town and write an unsettling, thinly veiled novel about this relationship. This sells a surprisingly large number of copies. Due, in large part, to lengthy descriptions of lurid encounters in rusty automobiles.
intangibles
-A haunted domicile.
-Extreme meteorological events such as earthquakes.
-The forced assimilation of pets.
conclusions
This is recommended right after a bad break up. People who manage this trick always come out wiser and healthier, if not wealthier. In fact don't expect this move help in the wealth category.
But spread your checkbook open wide and discover a world often sung about, but rarely encountered by mortal man.
##^^##
posted by RSS Spirit Combine | 3:34 PM
1 Comments:
I LOVE THIS. AND I'M TAKING IT SERIOUSLY, I FIGURE WHAT THE HELL, WE'VE BEEN DATING FOR A MONTH, GREAT SEX, LOTS OF LAUGHS AND SO WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT- WHATS THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN? ANYWAYS, THANKS FOR THIS HILARIOUS, BUT INSIGHTHFUL VIEW OF MY PREDICAMENT.
jENN
Post a Comment
<< Home